The infamous One Sentence Story

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This is the full listing of the One Sentence Story topic from our forums. Each user contributes one sentence to an evergrowing, ever-confusing story.
It is silly, but then again so are our users. Yes, me included.

Its automatically updated, but don't consider it a gauge of how crazed we are.
Trust me, we're much, much worse.


I don't feel like doing this so I'll just...
walk to the dairy
and get some milk from bessie.
but bessie dont like milk
which is unusual for a cow
so I think I'll just
play with my belly button
and then walk to the
munkees gamblin den and annoy ppl
then leave cause nobody likes me and
last time i got poked in the eye by a gelous imp
who is jealous of my crotch
this was because is its hard for imps to find cod peices that fit properly
so the imp kicked me
then poked me in the eye and now i keep the lil imp in a jar andcalled it mani
mani likes to tap the jar and
show off his new cod piece
even tho, mines still bigger
the jar in his poket just aint quite as impressive as the 1 in mine
even tho i dont talk to him anymore
and then this one time in bandit camp
i jarred his wife too
she had a bizzare collection
of hairpins and photgraphs
she scares me
ands thats not the only thing
im also afraid of people in bright reflective jackets
who tell us what to do
when going to the toilet
they tell us to
fall down when they strike us down
with a large mellon
and chasing us with
tourches and pitch forks
like we are some sort of
hidous monster with a nasty limp and bad breath thats scared of fire and pitch forks
but only so long as i carry an imp family in my pocket while
i am being chased, nothing
really matters, anymore. I just wish
that those damn jammen
would creep up
behind somebody else and
lick the end of their spear and stick it in there ear
before claiming diplomatic immunity from the
United Nations of Eredja, who
dont seem to like the idea of eternal freindship
but in the intrests of peace, hope and true love
a well thats just taboo now days
and the fact that the clockes went back an hour means that everyone's going to be an hour early for larp and
smell the daffodils
while looking into the eye of a duck
have conversational cicrles about the weather, why cheese smells like cheese and deep seated questions about how not to get hit by the big scary thing charging at us
mostly involving the famous 'four-spring duck technique', which few people actually mastered but
is totally irelevent anyway because
Glenn likes to "socialize" with Jack Daniels
not to mention dasies and small ......... forks?
Simon however likes the
well i better not go there or hell beat me with a bit stick .....it just happens that he likes a
certain high quality of
cheese, which can also be associated with
lasange, and, Carsons, confident no dirty toughts could be derived from this post
assuming he does not read it whilst
looking like
a pimp with a wonky grin
and a chainsaw.
HA IM WEARING A BOW TIE TOMORROW
exclaimed Ryan, not noticably drunk but
calling for staff breaks on the way home
on the train, from the wedding that he had to go to on friday, to andrews birthday party on the beach which
was threatened by the evil machinations of Doctor Terranova, whom
had to much to drink and is now just a lazy arse being tripped up into sewage outlets (not pointing fingers HALF CASTRATED GLEN WITH ONE N INSTEAD OF TWO!!!!)........staff brake!!!
While this seems to have no bearing on anything whatsoever, it is a
general gathering to watch motorhead and
partake of a substance which looks too much like urine for one such as me to enjoy, not to mention
how much I love the
mole people
while smooching with the
daffodil people
in a red leotard sponsored by
this little scary itilian guy who calls funny.... "cruchaa' ....."blutaaa"
and dancing to
the cha-cha in a Benny Hill style wearing a
pink leather dress and talking in
espanol y me llamo
while singing 'theres whiskey in the jar'
and not realising that weve just realised
that this story is madder than the magic roundabout.
However zippy with a stroke
said 'boing', and suddenly realising that was actually zebedee's line
but zebedee just died of aids
and Dylan was rabid and chasing Florence
until he was destroyed by animal control, unfortunatley Florence was in the cross fire, and
that creepy guy with the flowers and the bike saved the day along with
a complete crazy man who did not know what he was doing at the time then
the corpses of animal controllmen rose as zombies, whic was suprising to say the least, luckily
the NDM were on hand to
clean up the mess and have
gavin smell like
some kind of daffodils that we
Gesammelt von einem netten kleinen Garten auf den Stadträndern vom Dorf, aber
the camels came in to save the day
although these were not normal camels they were stuffed with apples.....................
and duck spring rolls freshly cooked
en una tortilla con unas patatas fritas Real ADMIN Translation: "in a tortilla with chips">
in hearing this the audiences mouths begins to water and an interval is called giving the oppertunity to get some refreshments
and outside the hall is weasel with a big bottle of jack
looking like he's really enjoying himself.
It is a pity that
which is quite inusual as weasels with a bottle of someone called jack stuffed into it are ver rare and hard to come across to meny people are admiring such a rare view a specticle in its self
then they all died
then the cleaner walks out ...........................he looks pissed
because he had emptied another bottle of weasel in his store
of strange and unusually wafting odaments.
The Magic Roundabout cast, who now had no further use in the story, were crushed by the Imperial Guard of the Majestic Emperor Saul...

... thats right, both of them
but then the NDM turned up and beat them both down with the linguil skills that somehow, they all now seem to posess
Emperor Saul, beaten aback and his army shattered (they'd both gone home) waved his fist as he mounted his escape chopper, saying "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME NDM!"
which really was a pity because he should have watched what he was doing instead of missing his footing and falling into a large vat of
marks and spencers moisturiser
mixed with strange purple
glitery foot powder
which squeeks when you touch it
all copy rights to ryan tm subject to avalibility
Suffice to say, he was most displeased
with this miraculous though smelly occurance which blessed his
falling into sewage run -offs
but what most people fail to mention is the interfering of a sertain weasel
who always pops up when you least expect him to
and resting his head on your shoulders
until he gets a pint to dismiss him.
Not usually a pint however but a few of Jack
Russels because dogs can sometimes apease human weasels so long as they are left pawed and can
leap tall buildings in a single bound
so long as that single bound is from a dog-a-pult manned by
our loyal NDM seige corps
and an annoying (not really) know-it-all smart arse with a nice hat
and quite a bit of food, but
i dont think hes twiged on to what people are talking about..........yet
for when they run into people who say "Hands up who's been to the gathering?"
holly turns into a big scary monster of a thing that dose lil more than poke franticly, look anoyed and chase u round the class room
then she catches ryan and gobbles him up hat and all.
with THE CLA
interogating a salad sandwhich for information about the
nutritional content of iceburg lettuce
but the cla
rather the point of the claa has lost the rage and sold the sandwich to a sweat shop and sold its organs for beer money
because the cla likes beer
and loose women
and other things
which include
prosthetic legs,
however Grimdaffodil does not
aprove of such things as ..........well there thought to be a bit of a taboo subject and not to be utterd in polite conversation
like MASSDAFFODIL DOWN
or LOOK YOUR SHOE IS UNTIED
which are wholey strange things to think about, even if you are
crazy, mental, pshyco, or in a mental home which
can also be associated with....theres something on your heel..."no theres something on YOUR heel" but
that does not come under the subject of MASS DAFFODIL DOWN
which is a truely unhealthy disposition.
Especially under grimlock
and the fact that he has this big thing about.
This thing that we will never mention, under pain of
a little kid called timmy with a hat
and big big eyes which can break you down into nothing but
a gibbering pathetic mass mumbling "So cute...", the only effective defense being
the arch enemy of a little kid called timmy with a hat being
grimlocks pet and grimlock sitting behind timmy laughing his head off with
a spectacular amount of pink rabbits with big teeth but
but these rabbits are evil (anyone could of guessed that) and
being an evil rabbit though cute they feel that they must destroy every thing else that is cute especialy little kids called timmy with a hat
so long as he does not have two fairy god-parents to protect him
and grant him lots of wishes and do a far better job in spellcasting than horlix (only joking horlix)
....................... no comment
exclaimed ryan as everyone started jumping around in complete and utter...
hyperness carrying lot of klas and cheese
although at the loss of his bright red pointy hat which may never be seen again
ever since it was lost in the void, perhaps stolen by
a weasel , who just happens to be in charge of
a food processing plant in
Emperor Saul's secret underground base, which he rents out space in 'cos he's kinda broke
and pays the janitors melchette, ryan and yugin with peanuts
and bananas for fun
but they dont like banana's
but they do like a bit of a tickle
well ryan does but we will not go into that
because it might turn out ulgy
however might is not the word
why what would it be
because ryan can turn into a hideos monster with green spikey teeth with a big (missing) red spikey hat
wheres the hat
stolen by 1 know as stacey ......*misterious noise* ryan remarks
Unfortunately, this monster caused all sorts of damage to The Glorious Emperor Saul's Top Secret Ultra Cool Underground Base, and they're working to pay off damage on the death ray
well because they broke it, it is now the life ray
life ray cool i won't die
but however ryan wonders to himself, if he brakes the life ray for it to become the death ray again, is it fixed or broken
*misterious noise*
All this talk about rays makes me wonder if
humankind is defined by the sum of the interactions they pursue, if we can define our place within the universe by our interactions with others, wether you are you...
or if bambii's mother derserved to die
because, when you think about it, it's tough for a deer in a single parent family, and adoption was ultimately the more humane choice.
and she had it coming with her dodgy dealings
so I reckon she deserved to get it for causing our server to crash.
so she had planned it well in advanced and we killed her in advance but it was still inevitable
that the desert would be ruined and eventually
and then ...... there was a long akward silence.......
broken only by a Squeaking shark
and a barely heard "pop".
follow by a very low barly heird goes the weasel
and when it goes wrong
we can always comment on how the sentences are getting undeniably more confined, both in syntax and vocabulary, an obvious result of a draining of creative reserves
eh ???
said the great dragon of the north; to fight turn to page 93, to run turn to page 235, to offer the dragon a choccy buscuit turn to page 24...
then the dragon became increasingly confused because . . .
the miget carsons tried to fead it a biscuit, so
there was a whoollee lotta noise coming from the mountain of doooom
in Mordor's crack, which belches forth fire at an alarming rate whenever someone
tries to feed an elder dragon the fabled One Buscuit to Dunk them All, as poor Carsons attempted to, and the elder dragon, finding Carsons could not be trusted with his own head, never mind The One Buscuit, gave the legendary confectionary to
a Unicorn newsagent, who promptly tripled it's price and put it in the front window for all to see, hoping that
those skeletal like figures in the robes will round up enough cash, they seem pretty desperate to get it...
But unfortunately blew most of their money on their 'Cool Robes' so they
had to stand on street corners waiting around for neck-romancers
there of money issue was enflamed by the fact the a group of Retro-dancer came round the corner and mugged them of their nice cool rodes.
Word.
this was all due to the dreaded 'Cool Robe Shortage of 1104', started by
a little kid called timmy with a hat
who became a serial robe stealer because . . .
of how he was beaten with ice cream as a child, which is difficult
to look at anyting multi-coloured again, so . . . .
he stole The Glorious Emperor Saul's Super Secret Robe Stealing Machine, a machine so devious only Agent Calwadden, Double Oh-It's-You, could stop it
but was chased down by an under-cover team of ninja assasins consisting of a squeeking shark and a squeeking chicken
leaving the device unmolested
which was unfortunate because
the chicken had no matter within the matters matter
or so it was believed, but the actual story is . . . .
a heart rending tale about
the death of a
saleman, but not the very same who
refused to sell the One Biscuit to the guys who have (had?) the robes, but now...
roll a natural one while trying to sell silverware to a werewolf
but werewolves don't like silverware so
lets all invite them to sunday roast
assuming of course we don't get roasted whilst getting toasted by
toasted bread
which seeks it's revenge from
blue haired kids blue hair
which is controlled by
the great claa
and the great claa empire which is hell bent on poking miniture OZ in the eye .....under the controll of ..........*dunt dunt duaaa*........holly
the daffodil rearing farmgirl of Ulrion VII in the furthest regions of
what you call that place??
yea u know the one i mean, now its the place that
has that creepy bar with the green dude that doesn't shoot first
and the walking carpet that smells oddly of
my lil brother's socks. Oh how often the villages regretted
that breath-taking moment
of non-clarity that came from . . . .
eating donuts made of flower, nutmeg, ground beetlejuice and extract of
Cream O' toast
et du la...... some french thing......
Argggh french people!
are often slaughtered by teenagers with
bosnian dave figures
and a bloodlust for people of an innocent nature
with names as the jack daniels expierence
which created interesting drinking games, such as
taking a shot every time Buffy slays a vampire on a DVD, and
so many eppisodes would cause you to jump out'a window (double ply)
being drunk you'll miss and fall into the wall instead,
yup, ive seen it happen, lol
said ............90
to the Enthusiastic Ryan
who just stood there all ......dazed in a world mistery
of dancing and prancing
of shinny things, flashing lights, strange ideas and
aliens which suddenly appeared. "Halt, in the name of Potato-omicron 8" screeched the alien, wielding a
morbo that was screeming that is was going to eat us all
and immediately attack our puny human knees
with an over inflated inflatable hammer
on omicrion persia 8 which is remotly similan to Potato-omicron 8
yet despite many political pursuits, remain divided on many important issues, such as the holiness of the potato.
and the level of fear induced by the irish
when they run out of Guiness.
.........yeah..... so this one time we like .... yeah which in turn lead to ......uh hu and then we.......yeah.....all the way to the bank
and we all stand and blink
at the lenghts at which people go to get
funny coloured socks
with added tassles
which just happen to have been reclaimed booby tassels
that have now been burned by the talkie toaster
...... hence the smell
of burning
bread, crumpets and all scrummy yummy toastable goodness
covered in jam and honey
ambrosia to anything smelly and .....smelly...n small ....and ....
round and empty, as well has starting the no simons club
which already has Simon Glumplet
which is ok as we are allowed 1 , its no simonS after all
*giggles*
which provokes a literary critic like myself to debate if a single word can make a sentence outside the poetic line
and spending too much time on pointlessly long threads, worrying about the existence of ...
small childrens killing bigger things
such as the story of David and Goliath, of course what really happened was
an unuauall story which can be explained with a semi-nuclear/electronic story making device, the explination that was given was . . .
that something went wrong in the early stages of creation and time has been running in the opposite direction - which means
Goliath stomped David's tiny little butt, proving to one and all size matters
to all who really care.
in the beginning, there was fluff
which came from the
crack of dooooom
it was bright pink in colour
and had the taste and texture of that similar to belly button fluff
and people wondered "How can a story line take physical form?" until
this line I'm typing right here jumped out of the screen and screamed 'I AM THE CENTRE OF ALL THINGS, OF LIFE ITSELF'
....and yay the people did feast upon the breakfast cereals and orangatang and anchovies and
the infinite bounties of the bumchakalaka tree
which bears fruit only on 2 days a year one of which being today and the other
every other leap year, so get em while you can
its fruit is silky in texture and more commonly enjoyed by student types because of its rare alcohol content
which can go a long way.
especially if you don't like the national drink of cidonia
the drink of the welsh
who interestingly enough - only drink from shoes
that had smelly feet in them
which results in a condition known as
post reply syndrome which is only common in
the NDM, but can be caught by
people with athletes mouth, also a very rare condition similar to the condition that was caught by lister in red dwarf
who burnt up inside hence the name
also what meny do or dont know im not sure .....dose it matter.....that it is actualy a fungus that grows on ur foot .....foot fungus
tastes oddly like cabbage
so does stu's hair
which believe it or not is actually made of cabbage
but made of something a lot different
a material known as HYPER CABBAGE
found only in the outer reaches of space and always under a small fluffy pink pencil case
and red tassels
time it seems cannot eliminate the red tassles
the only thing that can defeat the red tassels is a strange lobster like creature
that lives in the pocket of a little kid called timmy with a hat and are quite rare too
and that kid called timmy is grimlocks pet
whos arch enemy is yes the lil fluffy cute rabits that are realy a vicious lil evil thing....yes we know..........
and a lot more people are scared of the rabbits than the giant lobster, I mean, dudes, just boil the water a little, you can have a normally too expensive lunch afterwards...
so its settled then threatn the lobster with boliing water and the promis that we will protect it from the bunnies in exchange for the ...cough .... sorting of our tassel problem
which he wholeheartly agreed with, and sorted out our tassle problem, followed by swift boiling and the opening of a fancy restauraunt called
4 hundred ways to cook a human
in a nice parsley sauce with a sprinkle of mint and a wedge of cheese (and i aint talkin one 'o them there tesco style wedges - i'm talkin one 'o them there big muthas !)
while disco dances is daffodil off
some where over the rainbow,
and some were under the sea
a nice litte lady waits for me wearing
cockel shells and hells bells
sown to here dress, which is the colour of
cress, said Carsons instinctively, before remembering this wan't the rhyming topic.
On her feet she wore
limited edition in memory dimebag tribute fluffy slippers
which make a pinching noise everytime it touches the floor
and somewhere off in the distance a lone wolf howls as birds take flight and the sea rolls majesticly off the shore
while back in the real world
creatures of the night gather round a fresh corpse fighting over scraps of intestine and wondering what film to go see that night
and if the local store has any more blood or will they have to
give it to you or
think about a night
but that doesn't really matter too much because they're all vegetarians
who like red carrot juice instead of
meat juice
although who do u know if ur drinken meat juice or carrot juice?
hmmmmmm glutionous
well its something we can try the next gathering
even though greenfly are considered a gardeners nightmare, they are quite tasty
when dipped in honey and
pure cream O' toast
they all seem to realy like sitting in my butter and stairing me ......... oh to be young again
because in my day toliets were baths and baths were toliets
chocolate poo!!!
and you could only ever buy asparagus on a sunday
which is a right shame
but you could on a saturday, and of course the
postmaster would say : "i thought i told you kids not to hang around here on a saturday !"
is what would be said before he beat you viciously with ducks that . . .
he was just about to post as junk mail to
to his friend in Mexico
who is obviously a member of the A-Team, as the postmaster was no other than Bosco 'Bad Attitude' Barracus...
in discuise as a . . .
a small unpubesnt turnip
who makes money by running its own small scale freek show that . .
has part time members in the NDM and travels all over......
the street corner
selling copies of the latest....
religous times weekly
which this week has a picture of the NDM.....
yeah thats right the new NDM calander for 2005 im in may
culling enemy soldiers, which as u know is frowned apon by the church as they would prefer we beat them to an inch of their lives then bring them to a medic, but we . . .
have an unusual thing with religion today
which is funny because
its not very often u see blue nipples
but when you do melchette likes to twist nipples
and lick and carress them even thow he knows there owner is a big hairy italian dude
who wont give me ice cream
and grabs melchett by the scruff to drag him round a feild as he holds his head repeating the phrase "aowi aowi aowi aowi aowi"
i nearly died
waw honey chili chicken realy is good
its old but where am i in the calander
if you were in it it would condsiderd ......*cough*
*cough* eh? *cough*
NO! its not, go home
because thats where the heart is, or at least thats what people with hearts say
or mabe thats what they want u to think
because 90 is a cock
tickler, or is that just what suzi wants us to believe . . muahahaha
..........uh hu
back to the topic at hand
said 90
what to do with that commando dressed as a turnip
called gumble with a mustach and a pot noodle
who cant pronounce the word smeg
made famous in Red Dwarf, which unlike most dwarves
can't look up
futher than your knee
but it's okay cos there's a Brevel out the back and John will do you a toastie
....... then some guy walks out in the middle of the field and looks up....... out of cuirosity so dose every one else
except the dogs
who were more interested in doing eveys ones pockets
but could find only fluff, and a new type of super fluff that even superman would've been afraid of
which has lazer beam eyes
with bell lots and lots of bells
but the laser beam eyes had run out of batterys
so it ended up making a fluff powered generator to power a masive fluff lazer
but that was out of batterys as well
but then realised it had an abundance of fluff and continued on
a lint fuelled rampage through down town wherever, tossing cars and buildings aside in its terrorizing journey from A to B
all to the scale of and ant .......with a bikin...........and........ummmm.......wearing a beard......
...and listening to funkey town while doing a strange dance
only to be surrounded by a mini SWAT team, which swiftly exectued him, 'cos they thought the bikini was a bandoleer of TNT (as fluff doesn't really wear clothes)
no coz the fluff is clothes
then the talkie toaster burnt the fluff
..........yes ALL the fluff
how sad, too bad, never mind.
but the fluff came back i its own movie
but the movie was a flop and was never seen again . . . . . . . . . . .
until i came along and made it even worse
its ok ......*pats the lil guy on the head*
and he looks back ashamed
but dissapointed he moves on...
too find a mole like creature callen himself the under-miner
built quite stawky and being an "under miner" dwarf caked in dirt and
called jimmy with a red hat and is timmys brother
but they havent seen each other in a wile not since the incident...
involving a very unusual small dancing russian vole wearing a santa out fit and carring a blue sparkling wand, that . . . .
has been confused with the claa from time to time only difference between the 2 is that the blue sparlkily wand actualy dose sumthing
but what ryan 4got was that the claa pokes wee ozz in the eye, a very important task, even when
you wearing big........... baggy........frilly...............tinted in pink coz they got lost in with the red wash.......... embarrasing Y fronts
while carrying mini smoked austrian processed cheese's
in your now week matured big........... baggy........frilly...............tinted in pink coz they got lost in with the red wash.......... embarrasing Y fronts
and the mini smoked austrian processed cheese's heard this and became so traumatised it . . . .
sproted personifyed limbs and decided that living in his perents big........... baggy........frilly...............tinted in pink coz they got lost in with the red wash.......... embarrasing Y fronts just was'nt his thing any more so he got together a dig team to
find a small anoyen talken spider smoken a cigar
but this couldent just be any talking spider smoking a cigar.....it had to be the rarely seen blue elbowed rastafarian funky cigar smoking spider
that makes up stories about wee swirling smilies face characters in odd situations
and alergic reactions to....giant space sheep on roller costers and submarines
but this submarine needed to be energy efficent so it could survive in a small puddel where the space sheep couldent go
for fear of getting a lil grubby
as it wants to impress a certain feminine
well maby a more of a famanintey
but none the less the situation stays the same and when . . .
you pick your nose ......you know when u realy realy wedge ur finger in there
but when you do
there is aposability that you may unleash somthing upon the world
like frodo's socks and feet
smuldering acid to any 1 with a sence of smell
Burning every sensory nerve in your body
beside a small bag of dryed water
in ......................a hat and mustash
with fast guitar movement like jason becker
a report walks in with her camera crew and sets up when the camera rolls the reporter start off" well his earlier days when he was in his teens to earli 20s after that he became a criple.... lil history lesson there" after which the go off for a lunch break
and consume a large number of scones
with a small cat supervising
who worriedly keeps an eye on the time
because it has a egg boiling on the stove
an egg laid by non other than a golden goose
who then has a brain haermmorage
and a pet slug
called weasel
well indowed with three toes
which each in turn have three toes
know as the very rare blue kneed rastafarian funky cigar smoken tree slug
which is funny cause this one would rather smoke alcohol
not surpriseingly the pressure that being owned by a golden goose has on you
the rastafarian funky cigar smoken tree slug that would rather smoke alcohol sometimes steals the golden goose's eggs which makes the golden goose not very happy and it sends the the rastafarian funky cigar smoken tree slug that would rather smoke alcohol to prison where . . . .
sorry fer got to log in that was me above
(that was pure brilliance 90!!! *pats 90 on the head*)
anyways, this slug that does stuff and the trees all live happily ever after until one day a giant Steve Mcqueen comes along and stands on them while laughing and singing "Sean connery never got to do this !!"
and that was pretty much the end of the game
or was it
against his better judgement the cheeky disco urchin posted again
dun dun DUNNNNN...... he posted again ha beat that
and again
this time with a full stop ......... or a few,....... more? .........yes always more............... ho ho .........hee hee .............. haa haa..............
Until one came, to form the full stops into a coherant fighting force! ............. ...................... .................... ............. ...................... ....................

............ ...................... ....................

*marching sounds*
but the commas rise up to fight ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
opps, that was me
that they managed to squish in there rage of conquest
but whats this ? : over the hill came the heathen armies of the hash marks, spouting their pagan propaganda ! ################# ################# ################# ################# # / FREEDOM !
only to be turnd back because the weather was to unappropreate and that they might get smudged
having turned back due to unfavorable weather they ran into the hoards of the 4's and battle ensued : ########44444444 ########44444444 ########44444444 ########44444444 ########44444444
#####44#4# 4444######4 44444######4 #######4###4 #####44444444 #####4444444 EGAD ! the bloodshed !
but then along marched the supreme commander of keyboard characters the great 0 . . . .
and with the knowledge of being the master of the key board he went on a quest to find out ....
to find out where his old friend 'page up' was so he could
get back to his old job of drawing dirty pictures of ppl ..........for the masses
and so with a days filth done, he returned to his bed to make sweet love to teri hatcher (see - she smells sheet smells post)
who turned out to be a rodent in a teri hatcher outfit, then
not wanting to cause offence - carried on regardless
Unfortnately, at this point, a voice boomed: PERVERT SEX FIENDS! STOP THINE VILE ART! THIS IS A PG13! AND WE'VE ALREADY HAD MILD BATTLE HORROR AND SCARY MOMENTS!
....only problem is i dont think they herd it ......or they did and forgot it realy quickly......y do i know this u ask .....coz i wasnt at the window armed with a camera plasterd in amiture window action stickers
and disco looked upon the confusion and was well pleased
all procedings go the SAVE THE RYAN fund tm , copies can be purchased at all good retailers...... and ebay
laughed at the carnage, thinking "I wonder how long before the ADMIN pull the plug on all this... and then I'll sell it!". It's funny how happy eBay can be if
people keep small rodents in their pockets
which are then sold for vast amounts of cash
which doesnt go to the save the ryan fund but goes to . . .
the shiny people at the bottom of the lake who juggle shiny pennys so...
the world doesn't implode or worse...
become an upside down world that makes no sence were sitcoms are funny and boy bands play their own instraments!
and somewhere just in the background a man pushes a boorm across a badly lit auditorium
thus starting the video for 'Smells like Nirvana'...
or the Foo Fighters video where no-one is at the concert, which is similar to
hehehehe o wait.... hahahahahaha poo fighters
where i played piece of popcorn #3495
a smash hit loved by discarded popcorn kernels everywhere, until a foolish janitor slaughtered them all with his ignorant ways and big broom.
in this miniture world of giants huge spaces and curdels lives a green speackled
universe entirely encased in
bacon
mmm bacon
shhhhh, im makin bacon, bacon of the gods ....the type that must be made in complete silence in an auw of sizzle............
(i can make the best bacon sandwich you will ever experience in your life!)
or just go to 789
hmmmmm bacon..... WARM bacon! me makey now!!!
(thats a heavy inditement holly !!) so the legions of bacon eaters ruled the earth once more - no pork based snack was safe
i want a bacon sandwich
said the cruel leader of the pOrkish Phalanx, and thus his raiders descended on the quiet town of Oakdale, which is getting used to being ramsacked.
but the people there had all turned into small wheelbarrows to fool the marauding army
disturbed by what lay ahead of them they stayed put and opened a chain of franchise...
...A Little Chef, as all marauding armies since the Romans establish when they're low on numbers.
they feast on small plastic straws to replenish their numbers, because as u all know. . . . .
fast food makes girls fart
small square objects
and green jelly moulds
that have been used in a war situation
as siege weaponry against pixie castles
and jars of salad cream (mmmmm)
, salad cream of death, it drowns you when you sleep, immediate action was taken to dispose of this Scourge from the area then . . . .
the giant lobster thing boiled on a previous page was finally ready for consumption
and yay the feasting did begin (yay !) and lo and behold a great multitude of
small people with unautraly hairy kness
how cares? lets hit chays knees?
said the voice of crack Finnish sniper...
but the streets and ruins of stalingrad belonged to a young man named versailles
who keeps small bags of numbers which he throws at unsuspecting victems and . . .
behind u a tiny rare vole steels your money bag and relays it to captain friday, thats what u get for not sending money to the NDM
the vole dances between the hastily thrown numbers but...
only ever relaxes in a reclining armchair
constructed entitely of pomegranites and
discarded shopping trollies
heavily disgruntled at Tesco's new loans.
the mutalny of becoming chair makers is there only opertunity to get back at them ..... MUtanY
mutany most foul, a plot so fiendish even . . .
Lovecraft himself couldn't have thought of it
unless he'd eaten a shedload of cheese before he went to bed
on a matress of musely
musely most foul
and smelling of faintly moaning bat
and as things started to become more random than you could shake a stick at
the balloon about to burst in your face that contained a message saying
if found please return to 23 meteor street
this bizare quest was undertaken by . . . .
90/Gareth/Yarric who volunteered enthusiastically after Chay chucked some cake at him..and so
so he began the long and perrelous(sp?) journey to 23 meteor street with the shrapnel of the balloon and . . .
passed a very delirous looking ryan who had exceeded the stated dose of lemsips, and so they both...
went into a near by convince mart to buy more lemsips to see what would happen if . . .
they were to mix lima beans bannana and ice cream would it taste any thing like chicken.......... and to see what happen if ryan were to have to meany lemsips in shot form.......duuh
and so as the night draws in and rolf harris draws another walabie
and disco draws a very ironic picture of me
snorting powerd custard
and putting a cigartte out in ryans eye
his lucky glass eye that he keeps in his pocket that no one has ever herd of
fell out and smashed so
they bought a box of lemsip to seee if he entered a state of delerium like ryan
but nobody could be that twisted. Strange things
nobody but horlix, disco Stu and of course 90
could possibly understand begin to surface in the small town of
CAKE OR DEATH
set high in a mountain range controlled by
Lord Dalvich
the evil and corrupt ruler of the pigmy tribe that
had succombed to the cunning use of 'randoness' class strike craft and
this is very dangerous (run LITTLE children, RUN)
unless you have been properly prepared and seasoned
with the correct herbs and spices collected from a variety of strange and wonderful places that no one has ever heard of but people seem to keep going to bring back all these strange and wonderful herbs and spices
which also have side affects
similar to the German Measels and red rum in
The Shining which was a hilarious movie..but anyways, getting back to the story...Ryan and 90 were merrily walking along when all of a sudden...
something fell out of the sky and hit 90 on the head and knocked him into a violent stat and .......
it was so bad he lost the ability to spell. Still, at least
at least disco stu came back to spread much fun and haribo
which brought the intellegent 90 back to his old self how ever lil samanoska . . .
unfortunately, he could not be saved. Pity. We needed his particular brand of
uselessness, what whould a world be like without
salad cream, melchette could eat bucket loads of the stuff and
still not throw up strange salad, but could he
and the imp said hey this is my first post
anytime they wanted? Maybe, then again... maybe
salad cream could be used as a limitless fuel supply for future generations
of toe jam to
even maybe little earl's, shouting strange funny words such as
GAVIN GAVIN GAVIN EBILEH!!!!!!!!!!!!
this roughly translated means..
"I have a bass guitar for sale, for you sir: two camels"
*strokes a sillawet of a bass with a smug smile*
the sillawet revealed itself to actually be a silhouette, and laughing smugly at this great deception, danced two dimensionally across the room.
(lol, PLU u never cease to make me laugh!) but all of a sudden it tripped and fell flat on its two dimensional face and the kidnappers of glenns bass could be heard approaching outside...
always interested in stealing a shadow too, especially
the unicycle riding midgets in music videos
and the three blind mice
three blind mice, see how they run?
or you could if they wernt as lazy as . . .
pies, (dont know y but any way) the killer tipe
that kill biscuits so their brand can be . . . .
The One True Biscuit Brand of McVities
and soul rival
which could be dangerous
if you mention the secret magic word Super Ted uses to transform
into i very big and ulgy.....
overly ripe incontant moldy sinaptic obragene
(which is a word he made up)
like a hob nob (the sas of the biscuit world!)
whos arch nemesis is the random blue haired skater boy
(no i just cant spell and eh?) whos cheesy antickdotes namely the weab obsession
that why can they not crawl up and die in the corner like all of his stupid cool obsessions and antidote is spelt this way
because of an old grammer obsesed wizard of olde, so we must . . .
stock up on rasberries and prepare for winter
for it is cold outside, baby, and we need
loadsa tarantulas that fall from the sky in the Land of Squish *nikkie says "...and men"*  
and lots more random and infinitely funny things that happen
when a perfectly normal small group of roleplayers site is hijaked by a buch of random thinking kids
put on your booties cos its cold out there today - its cold out there everyday
especially when i forget to log in
now don't for get to stare at the bin
no no no u got it all wrong its ...if u ever get lost stare directly at the sun
why wot good would that do
staring directlyat the sun for long enough will show u exactly where the farfecknoogin u are and give the location of all and the secrets of life
try it and tell me wot it is like
what u think we havent perfected this method already ......?
Let us not go there anyway, for it is a silly place
lets go to disney world instead
for it is even worse
when your 35 and single and go with your perents will still living in there house
you might as well bring a shotgun and
blow the cat out the window for
fun and laugh oput loud
instead of talking to yourself like Toby who really should know better
and i know i should but it is fun
told all that i love all in the ndm especially grimlock my friend and i love all the boys especially captain friday
which is wierder than me talking to myself
especially 'cause the admin had to edit it slightly.
what the shez neh who stole his account there are out of control hay maybe it was melchette account stealer
yeah i got me money on him too
bad we can't find the perp and force him/her to watch Eldorado
where that big crazy place thats over neah
is what Gothir said but what he didnt realise is that
it was an african swallow instead of
north africian swallow a smaller and slightly more rare species and the two are commonly confused because of
monty pathon quotes
which abound all the time in silly stories or anything connected with
SAMON MOOSE!
One day, whislt walking in a secluded forest, I stumbled upon
another secluded forest very secluded apon the forest horlix was walking within
which was quite handy considering he had a very secret project to complete incluging an african swollow (either bread) and salmon moose this project
was far too strange and complex to describe in detail here or elsewhere, in case RASNI or the USPCC get envolved, which would
mean many little puppys would loose their owners but would recieve
a free holiday to belgium which resulted in
strange people wearing dresses and clogs doing the macarena in
a very large room full of rabbits, but there was 2
evil eyed mice sitting in the corner watching the procedings and
they decided to have a litle fun by
infiltrating a movie set for and being mistaken for pan-dimensional beings of unlimited power and
thus being told to make the coffee, and Mr. Rodriguez was very busy right now and couldn't do it himself...
because her was found sleeping with his sister by his wife and was being beat up for it! mean while in a far far away...
knicker-box drawer, the knicker people were planning war against the boxer drawer people, and so
launched dirty underwear of mass destruction, possibly previously owned by
by george bush which would mean that there would be a lot of
coverups why they have gone
to the Red Dragon laundry store rather than the Green Serpent, an unforgivable mistake
made by the boxers and will be
punished by a severe whiping from watbyo dave and his
and his very skimpy skirt, where as the THREE blind mice in the corner
that was a different story altogether - i had to beat them to death with their own shoes
As one's last gesture was to hold up three fingers, signifying there were actually two of them...
hiding from the manslaughter, but as tehy waved two finger two..
which were prompting cut off, to prevent them using a bow if
they could find one in the box which is lost in the..
vast empty space in the poor tranny's mind. Why are we
in such a small space
with alot of eggs and baskets, with some..
green eggs and ham? Why would anyone eat green eggs and ham
which a van and a calm have eaten which were found in the...
man with a plan who can...
hitch us a ride, unfortunately with a smelly south american couple who only picked us up because we're 'god fearin white buoys', which is unfortunate, as
thats exactly the type of people they like to sacrifice to Fluffybunnykins III, so he will
bring use into a small shack, with flickering lights and the....
far too obvious chainsaw in the corner that
has the words ingraved on it "I'm already dead guess the jokes on you" which is...
a strange thing for a chainsaw to have, but this is one of those stories that
that you just loose intrest in after the first 3 posts but you have to keep reading as it draws you in to its horribly, terrifyingly, horrendous.....
song, with fuzzy rabits, monkeys,dogs and a stuiped talking bear talking about...
a really large pink elephant in a toto with a bow on its head. it likes to do a funkey little dance which it calls the....
concerto, while listening to Slayer at a very large festival. then
throwing fluffy bunnies on stage so that Ozzy can bite their head off with his dentures of +5 against bunnies, ending the
rampage by ozzy, then the animal rights come in and throw bllod over him and say...
eat this bitch but it didnt work cause he liked it. so the then tried to..........
build a small school for dyslexic emus, but it all went horribly wrong when
when the emus attacked the teachers and became the rulers of the world as no one new what they were wrighting or saying as there dislexia had gotten really bad. people started
wavin' their hands in the air like they did'nt care..
suffice to say it all went horribly wrong...
yet again, though this time we won't pick on minority groups even if
that group trys to attack us with a large 2 by 4 with 6 rusty nails in it, but can't...
due to genetic restructuring carried out by hyper martians on cake
but what was worse - they only ate the icing off the top and now they're powers are enhanced by the sugar rush
with big lazer reconstructionthingy that mutates anything that tries to kill it. the only thing that could kill it was a.....
piece of battenburg cake, which of course contains enough sugar to overload their senses
which will make them go insane and use the ray on each other. When they...
go blind from the sugar
we shall strike and take back the earth from badly thought out remakes of good old films
such as the potential wars in the stars
above the third moon, of cheese were wallace and cromat are....
munching on their
large long cheesey...
trousers while a happy dancing monkey singing about "monkey pole" a commonly misconstrued phenomon that occurs on during
the triple eclipse, which
also fuels the awsome power of
glowy energy, this involes alot of shouting and fast hair growth. this will cause the monkey to..
chism, the doomsday device, found in
the 17th Century, where the great and glowing tiny rare rastaferian vole with the frbrashea (spelling?) egg collection lives away from the evil crawling worm of the 16 century
which killed the stargate team before they travel, this caused the alantice gate to be found which made the 17 centry worm very...
infuriated, which could potentially lead to
a war of the worms. This would cause mass fear and lead to the death of the hole race of mole men which live in...
caves under norway, they secretly plot the distruction of the worm race and have been since the age of . .
doom and darkness aka dark ages which resulted in almost the end of the world but this was a mere fraction of the mole people's power which....
if prokoved, could lash out at...
the majority of people living in the dimension called reality where many organisms called humans live...
in complete isolation, despite
the mass amount of white track tops, the rest of the people were normal. the..
later to be named 'steaks' where anhililated when
the NDM Anti-steek squad leaped in armed with
flame throwers, which melt that plastic crap into
gloppy glue monsters who
started to fight with each other trying to get the last drop of wkd, while this was happing the ndm kill squad was..
stalking a small orange beetle the size of a tonka truck in
the 'giant orange beetle response unit' mini van, which
can transform into a high tech super killing cloth. this can...
beat practically anything except the bread men, who
chased those poor Gardsmen around
arround a very small round about for 4 and a half hours whilst singing the mackerina in a really gay high pitched voice which made the ndm
cry "Ebileh!" all at once to distract them
while this was all happening a random dog sat on a switch, which made the...
sprinklers turn on which soaked the bread men and ndm
who responded... with ANGER!  Of course, this
lead to the bread men falling apart due to the weight of water and the ndm going a search and destroy mission for the owner of the dog who....
was living in a verry small room in the back yard of a henti demons house which...
had a super duper bloper omg lock over the bolt which was not locked so the ndm...
snuck past the guards and flipped a switch which
caused killer rabbits with big teeth and very long poisonous ears to fall from the ceiling
which were then sued for copyright infringement, which caused them to
fade into nothing and turn up in to random land, were a large metor cast by a..
mighty Slann, who was accused of being a dairy product by
a yucca plant with very strong views who
was adairy product, but the slann just cast a metor on the yucca plant which..
screamed "DISPEL SCROLL" and
didn't count because he forgot to call it when the spell was cast so the metor crashed into...
a sucking pig roasting nearby. Altogether a strange sight for the NDM while they
sat in the bar watching this odd scene outside with increased enthusiasm whilst drinking their mead but they were being watched by...
i giant pen15 smoaking a blunt while getting kicked in the bals by a 5 yearold. the giant pen15 decided to...
spontaniously turn into a pot of flowers, which only though: "
dam i am going to be hurt. So it turned into a gaint seal and flatened the kid, then the mum came in and...
said "oh no, not again" which
confused all because they wondered how many times this has happened before.. a random elf came in and started to dance around which..
truely confused a passing elk, as this was nowhere near the dried food stand at
which it had assumed t was near.  Thankfully, it had already
killed the evil eyed dog, which was going to..
turn on the Mighty sprinklers of doom which would untimely lead to the demise of the....
the dehydrated soldiers of
Banana Phone corps who are wildly know for their spontantoeous burst into the Banana Phone national anthem which is...
all to do with war, this bores all the other nation's so they..
sing their anti anthem battle rhyme, that goes a little like this:
oh bugger i forgot it. well it was pritty gd and it desomated the banana anthem. the ndm were then suddenly hit by a giant.....
Turtle shell, which could only have come from
the 2nd evolution of Squirtle, yes that strange lil criter called Wartortle who need the Dark move Bite to
another topic altogether and we will never ever speak of this certain subject ever again because everyone knows that...
Pokémon is a great game. Besides, how were we to know
that its great success would be its own downfall when
a thousand voices cried out 'wow, this is way over comercialised' and where then silenced
by Gavmin's Skitty doing Surf attack. Commercial or not, the games are actually quite good, unless
you play them until your eyes bleed, entirely possbile given their nature but considerably less fun
than mining for gold with a blind dwarf called Glod in a pink
Toto with frilly designs on it, you sad this to him and he swung randomly at you and hit a...
random fay that was floating past for some unknown reason, so they decided to ask it. . .
not to speak in such a high-pitched voice for just a few minutes since your hangover
rivaled that of the drunken god of shots who sent u on a quest for
more booze and drink's, this lead you to...
the hidden base of the squirrel squadron, underneath
foamys (the squirrel) secret forest tree fortress known only to grey squirrels, not red, the reason for this is . . .
foamy only likes to do it with gray squirrels as the are better in bed but sometimes...
a nasty mod tells you all to watch your language
because there all sad old hermits that have nothing better to do than attack and complain at every one that
pokes 90 in the eye
for fun, which it is, at least moreso than
poking anyone else in the eye
except holly which is even more fun, because
she pokes 90 in the OTHER eye and
90 wanders round blindly for a while.
Blindness isn't funny unless you like that sort of thing, which we do, so
everyone is poked in the eye!
however, I pass my Fortitude save!
which is not as important as if u fall asleep your dead
unless you've drank so much coffee that you are infact incapable of sleeping which would lead to  :arrow:
you being awake and touching too TOO MANY weasels.
Strange thing about weasels is their abilty to
LOOSE THE GAME!!!
and there nasty sharp bite
which is usually aimed for the rear nether regions due to
their odd nature which has resulted in more than one weasel being
in bread as for some reason they like doing that
sort of thing with sisters espicually, but occasionaly,
the weasel is left to nibble on the bread unless his pal colin the tiger comes along which has lead to
strange goings on about which we shall not speak of, especially when
a big pooey stick landed in front of
i living speeker which was playing the best song in the world which just happened to be
nothing like this song, this is just a tribute
to gareth's eye which
is strange because
he has more than one eye
as you mite imagine
but he has 90 eyes that see all, no one is safe from the
the mighty monkey. this has no relivence to the subject as i was just...
poked in the eye by gareth who
hu wiped out his huge big meaty
head which was covered in fish paste
that for some reason smelt of choclate cake but looked like a big
turnip of destruction, similar to those used by the
demolition squid, the best super hero in the world except...
in order to save the world gaia has to take a punishing which has resulted in.....
a japaneese tavern taking over yorkshire
and turning it into a nice place
where drinks cost 3p at the most and it always smells like
turnip juice, this is because of excessive consumption of
electricle wire which looks rather like
a fishing line when strung between two
large metal girafs that were in the position of (sorry for the spelling)
the sun aligned in the east where my star fortell the coming of a great
apple pie, constructed to go against all religions such as the cult of gavmin, the badger, weasil and so on
, and so the construction of the ridiculouly large apple pie began
at about 9:30 of the morning of 2 weeks away
but was halted by the sudden appearence of the tiny rare vole
walking silently but carring a big gun, the vole
which is the secret behind the scenes leader of the hitler pigoens
and other random stuff
decided to go on an adventure to catland. to try and over throw the cat leaders and rull the earth
and so by rulling the earth making it their foundation to rull the galaxy maybe even the Universe but........
after nearly reaching catland decided " on second thoughts let's not go to Catland, tis a silly place"
so they went to Dogland instead
which was far sillier since it had the Master of Puppies and other
weird things, also in dog land, vole and pigeon are a delicisy. when they got therte they
encountered a small fluffy bunny which bill the sorcerer had warned them off but they got cocky and were almost annilated by the bunnys sharp pointy teeth but.....
finally Tim the enchanter came along and blew it up with a burst of fire, ending its
evil reign allowing the Monty python appreciation society to take over the land with the help of
lady boys with big massive ding a longs which ended the story.
Another story is about ding-a-longs, those strange devices for measuring
wet bicycle seats
which chay loves to implant in his
go-kart, made for the Red Bull silly-jump-off-a-pier-competition held
in the lake at Silverfalls.
. . . .


And the story continues on the NDM Forums... *Click here to join in*
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